The heart of the matter

Ladies,
I sort of stopped blogging here right after saying I was getting a "fresh start". Lame.I have been blogging over at the other blogging site and it's more of a free for all, but you're welcome to check it out and subscribe etc. It's at www.IvetteAlegria.wordpress.com
And now, for the first thought in a long while. I now read a blog/devotional website called Wisdom Hunters. I highly reccomend it. This website always packs a punch of conviction. Today's hits very close to come. I had a chat with God just last Friday that went a little something like this.

Me: Lord, it's Yom Kippur. The Day of Atonement. The day, that long ago before Christ became our sacrificial lamb, the High Priest would atone for the sins of the people with an actual spotless lamb. The day that we are supposed to forgive others. I learned about that from All Of A Kind Family

God: Yes, it is. Do you need to forgive anyone?

Me: Yes, I think I have been harboring unforgiveness toward _____.

God: Ah, is that all? How about ____?

Me: Ah! No, not him. I can't forgive that person. I just can't! He reeeeally crossed the line. He really made me angry and disrespected me. I just cannot forgive him!

God:(Tenderly) I have forgiven you of much.

Me: I know, but...

God: In the same manner in which you forgive, you will be forgiven.

Me: I know...But, God...I mean I really am just not ready.(Light bulb goes on)... Lord, if your want me to forgive that ogre, you're going to have to change my heart, because at this moment I cannot find it within myself to forgive that man.

I smirked as I came to that decision. Acting as if I'd out-smarted God. I had to make a choice to forgive someone and I passed the buck back to God, who needs no practice in forgiving grievous offenses.
The awesome thing is that He actually will help us to forgive and trust and obey and to do all those things that are unnatural for us as humans. But now after reading today's Wisdom Hunter's devotional, I am convicted of how awful and bratty I was for having pushed off forgiveness to another day.
So today, I am going to live in forgiveness toward that man who wronged me. And tomorrow, I will purpose to do the same.
Here's a beautiful remake of The Heart of the Matter by India Arie.

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness